person: *does finger guns at me* ayyyy
me: fucking pull the trigger you coward
Being ugly is poppin cause ya phone doesn’t blow up all the time and ya battery lasts long.
5 hours energy commercial
- me: i owe everything to this elixir
- director: ma'am, please stick to the script, and PLEASE stop referring to our drink as an "elixir"
- me: this brew imbues me with unnatural strength
- cutthroat kitchen competitor: i was totally psyched to make my take on a pb&j sandwich! i immediately picked up oregano, durian, 4 live lobsters, and ground unicorn horn because that's how my mom used to make em and i knew that would really make my dish pop. i had this round in the bag for sure. then i looked down and realized... i totally forgot the peanut butter, jelly, AND the bread
yo i ain’t saying she’s a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about “gold in them there hills” idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger